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Using the suggestions from page 100 of Sexaholics Anonymous book Step Into Action, one member works Step 6 on one of his character defects: A. Character Defect: Workaholism B. What is my life like with this defect? (How has this defect affected my life? How does it affect my life with others? What does this behavior cost me and others? What payoffs or benefits do I think I am receiving? What feelings do I associate with this behavior in the moment or later in reflections? Wha

I was going to the Baltimore SA Convention several years ago. When I fly to a SA Convention, I get a window seat, because I don't want anybody to ask me the question, "Where are you going?" I don't want to lie, and I don't want to tell the truth. So I am going to Baltimore. I have my window seat, and all is right with the world. I want to look out the window, and be left alone. We take off, and just as we are about to get to the runway the Captain came over the intercom, "

“Because he lives inside his attitudes, the individual doesn’t see them; he sees only the physical activity and thinks he’s feeling guilty for that.” (White Book, page 40) Reading this reflection at a recent meeting, lead me to consider what my attitudes had been and how my changing attitudes brought about through the 12 Steps have enabled me to overcome my porn addiction. It is true; I have a number of new attitudes. I want to share them. Sex is optional. I used to think th

As a member of Sexaholics Anonymous, I need to be careful what I think and do. If my attitudes and thoughts aren’t “right,” ultimately my illness will show itself in my actions. I’ve learned in this program that my actions follow from my thoughts and attitudes. Sexual Sobriety Includes Thinking & Acting A part of my recovery then has been keeping my thoughts and attitudes in check, and a strategy that has helped me is known as “custody of the eyes.” For me, this involves – or

I knew I had a problem but didn’t know what it was or what to do about it. Then one day I got shown the “cycle of addiction”: I do something I deeply regret; I feel pain and promise myself “never again”; at some point, however, the pain passes and I do the very thing I promised I wouldn’t; I deeply regret it. The cycle continues. The pattern is set. I keep thinking I need to try harder, but nothing breaks the cycle. In fact, for years and years I didn’t even realize that ther

Sobriety is a one-day-at-a-time endeavor. Sometimes a one-hour or minute endeavor. I make no promises for tomorrow or for the week or year. No grand vows (how many countless vows have I made in my career as an addict?!). Just a humble focus on today. All I have to work with is here and now. An important part of the Sexaholics Anonymous program is the fellowship. It is very important to get a sponsor, someone who has walked your desired path before you who will now walk

In the SA 1st step, we admit powerlessness over lust (not a particular behavior), and the requirement for membership is a desire to "stop lusting and become sexually sober". Both are in view with the understanding that lust lies beneath the acting out behaviors. I am like the alcoholic in many ways, but there is a significant difference in that I carry my distillery with me everywhere I go in the form of lust. I can be technically, physically sober but really a long way fro

In the Sexaholics Anonymous White Book (our equivalent of the AA Big Book) it says that "true sobriety includes progressive victory over lust." (It's not just about sex eh?) In an article in the December 1999 edition of the SA newsletter Essay, founder Roy K had an article entitled "A New Look at Lust Recovery". In that he lists a number of "stages" of lust recovery, one of which is a discovery of sources of lust that were not initially apparent to the sex drunk: Lust in

The scene: A house on Family Avenue, Everytown, U.S.A. It is 1:30 in the morning, and the attractive young wife, barefoot, in her nightgown, and holding her one-year-old girl in her arms, has awakened and is looking for her husband. As she approaches the den, she looks into the darkened room through the door, which is slightly ajar. Her husband is at the computer, utterly tranced-out on the monitor. She is repulsed by the look on his face, the wild lascivious flare of his

A man is sitting in church between his wife and young son. All three are holding hands. It feels good to be in the house of worship, together, with their child. They’ve left the cares of the marriage and the world outside and have entered a different world, a sanctuary: the hushed tones of the organ as the minister prays… the ritual order of service… the light coming through the stained-glass… the choir… listening to God’s very Word… A sanctuary from—In this man’s case, a hop